My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.

This week, I feel like my story is focusing on something that happened, just at this same time last year. Now, little background, in 2017, God had come into my life with a bulldozer. And proceeded to move EVERYTHING around. Literally, everything. Not one aspect of my life remained intact. And, I could see a theme. A theme of letting go, and letting God. Although, I didn’t come to the Letting God part until 2018. In 2017, I couldn’t do anything else besides react. Nothing that happened that year was something that happened by choice. They were all things that happened to us, or those we loved. And, I felt like the theme of trying to Let Go, was pretty evident. I am a control-freak. Like, in every sense of that word. But my family loved me anyway. And, not to say that I’m magically not, now, but I really have eased up, because in 2017, that was the only way to survive. I couldn’t control everything, and God was all done being nice about trying to make me let stuff go. Now, I know it wasn’t all God, because some of the stuff was most certainly Satan, but God has used it. And, the start of 2018, #Godshowedup to let me know, that he wasn’t done with using that “Letting go” lesson, and we needed to get to the “Letting God” part.

Let Go

So, what happened?!?! Right?! Quite simply, I say, that I broke my back. Now, they didn’t actually find any fractures, but they were pretty sure that I herniated at least one disk, if not more. It was my lower back, right above my hips, like just those last few right on top of my hips. I was taking the trash out before we were going to have a dinner with my sister-in-law, and I slipped on the ice, and when I fell, I fell straight on my bottom. And I felt my whole spine *Squish* and I instantly went into shock. Suppressed vomit, cold shaking, blinding light, – shock! I knew that sick feeling instantly. And, I also knew that I had just done something really terrible. I laid there for a long time, just shaking and breathing, and sick, in the cold and snow and ice, just feeling everything drain out of me, and I couldn’t even scream. And, I slowly pulled myself together and walked little baby steps back inside. My husband was frantically looking for me, and when I came in the back door, he came running, but as soon as he saw me, he knew something was wrong. Now, at that time, I thought I broke my tailbone, it was late on a Friday, and I knew that the ER would do nothing for me. So, we had our awkward dinner (since everyone could see I was in great pain), and ended the evening. Then, Monday, I went to the Dr. Who listened to my story, and agreed, that’s probably what happened. Gave me pain killers, and sent me on my way. It wasn’t until my back swelled, and some other symptoms that we really figured out what was wrong. Which, honestly, was worse. Broken tailbone – 6 weeks. My herniated disks – 6 months, at best. I went from someone who could lift 80-100lbs on a regular basis at work, to not being able to lift a cast iron skillet, or stand for more than 15 minutes without feeling like I was going to pass out. I went from a non-stop employee, mom, Cub Scout committee member, etc. etc. to Stephanie, and absolutely nothing more. I was only allowed to continue working because they essentially put me on desk duty, with light errand-running (that took 5x as long as it should because I could only walk in baby steps). – Which is exactly what the Dr ordered, don’t sit, stand, or lay down for too long, keep moving, as much as you can, but get plenty of rest…. I’m sorry, have we met? But, God is good, all the time. If I had any other job, I would’ve been put on medical leave, which when you look at my “Christmas Miracle” would’ve been way worse (because in just a few short months, I’m about to be garnished.) But, here’s the deal, folks. I was the “do everything” mom. I did everything, all the time. Our days were packed with everything, Mondays this, Tuesdays that, etc. And, I needed to be still. (Psalm 46:10a, Be still and know that I am God.) To Let Go. And to let God. And, here we’re about to Let God.

Let God

The first couple weeks were rough, you know, until like April. *lol. But, seriously. I couldn’t cook supper, I couldn’t wash dishes, I couldn’t do the laundry, I couldn’t make my bed, I couldn’t put my pants on, I couldn’t take a shower. I had to relearn how to do some of the basic stuff, like putting on pants, because, when you can’t bend at the waist… putting on pants and socks is a little tricky. But, I also had to learn to let my family do it. My son had been helping with chores, but now, it was a need. My husband, who is amazing, can do everything. And, he just stepped up. He totally understood and was gracious and absolutely what I needed. But, here was the other thing. I couldn’t focus on anything except myself because the pain was so bad. I couldn’t even think about some of this other stuff because just going to work, took me out. There are some nights (a lot of nights), where I just came home and went straight to bed. Because my body needed rest, to heal. And, so many days, I just needed God. I needed God. Like, I needed him to heal me, I needed him to give me patience with others, with my body, with my mind. I absolutely needed him. And, although 2017 had started opening my eyes, 2018 drove it home. Let God do it. God has given you this family, God has given you a good job at a great company. God has given you a good doctor. God has given you everything you need. Just let it happen. Let all these people that you care about take care of it. And let God heal you from the inside out. There were quite a few days throughout those months, where I just cried. Just cried for it to be over. Cried for my dad to be there to fuss over me. Cried because it took me 45 minutes to get dressed. Cried because everything hurt. Deep down in my soul. And, God said, “My grace is sufficient, my power is made perfect in your weakness.” And, it was. I, slowly, started getting better. We went from 5lb weight limit, to 10lbs. to 15lbs., until finally no more restrictions. I took that time, to focus on me. Focus on my relationship with God. To pray, more. Every day. To start reading my bible. To start being present for my family, instead of just running. I needed to show up. Instead of my gigantic to do lists, and my not enough time in the day, and, and, and, ….. I just let it go. I didn’t have a choice. My kid’s going to be grown in less than 10 years. Where did it go? What was I teaching him? When were our moments together? My husband was spiraling at work, and I didn’t even see it. My family didn’t need all my stuff, my clean dishes, my clean laundry, my whatever. They needed me. And, so did God. And I needed Him, and them. And, you know, if I hadn’t, I would’ve never started a ladies’ bible study, never reached out to those around me, had this incredible relationship with my Lord and Savior, and I wouldn’t be here. Talking to you about it. Encouraging you, to put some of this stuff down. Let others do it, or don’t do it at all (what?!?!) Does every single load need to be put away? Do the dishes have to get done every day? Do you always have to make supper? OR —– Could you spend that time, praying? Reading your bible? Spending time with your kids, or your husband, or wife, or your friends? Encouraging them on their walk. I’m not saying, do don’t this stuff ever, just balance, baby. Are you making time for the important stuff, you know, the life stuff? Are people going to remember that you did everything, all the time, or that you were there when they needed you?

Our purpose is not to do all this stuff, it’s to share the gospel, it’s to grow the Kingdom. And, we don’t do that by checking off boxes on a list, we do that by being present. Being here, there, wherever. Being in the lives of our loved ones. In order for God to show up, you need to show up too. We were not made to the defend the Kingdom, we here to demonstrate it. God is love. Love is action. 1 John 3:18 “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” I encourage you, to start taking baby steps, pray every day, read your bible, go to Wednesday night church, join a prayer circle, something that connects you to God more. The more you’re in him, the more he is in you. John 15:4 “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” First step, Remain in me. Tap in. Plug in. Get in with God, and he’ll get into you. Let me leave you with some of my favorite lyrics that have been singing in my heart this week, “Fill me up, so all they see, is you, Lord.” There’s no where else I’d rather be. ❤ I hope you join me. He’s waiting.

1 Thessalonians 5:19 “Do not quench the Spirit.”

My mom is constantly reminding me not to quench the Spirit. And it’s true. Don’t quench the Spirit. This means when the Holy Spirit moves you to do something – Do it. That’s what this blog is all about – literally. I’m not a writer – but the Holy Ghost is. So here we are. Here I had thought that I had this next week’s post all figured out, but then as I woke up this morning, the urge to post it now just wouldn’t stop. So, double dose this week. Also, you never know what small gesture is going to change someone’s life, in a small way or in a very big way. Let me share a quick story about something that actually happened to me.

I had been working somewhere a while back. And I had a desk job that didn’t really have me interacting with a lot of people. A lot of leg work and paperwork. But there was another gentleman that worked in a different dept across the way, who also had a desk job, and not a lot of interaction with others. We occassionally would see each other, he seemed friendly enough. Anyway, time went by, life was happening. And one day, I saw him in passing, and he just looked off. Just kind of not the same. And, although I didn’t realize it at the time, the Holy Spirit wouldn’t let me shake it. My day was going by, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. Something was off. And so, a little before lunch that day, I went over to his desk, and said, “Hey man, I know I don’t know you that well, but you look like you need a hug.” And with a surprised look on his face, he says, “Yeah, I do.” So, we hugged, and I asked if he wouldn’t mind if I came and sat with him for lunch. “Sure.” We started chatting, and he starts telling me about some stuff happening in his life, nothing seemingly huge to me, life stuff. We continued to have lunch, became fast friends. Just chatting. Then, a couple months go by, and I come over to sit with him at lunch, and he says, “I have something to tell you.” And, he informs me that a few months ago, he was going to kill himself. He had it all planned out, his wife was going to be gone that weekend. He picked up his favorite meal that he was going to prepare, his favorite drink, and he was going to end his life that weekend. And, he says, “And you know what happened?” My mind is reeling! I’m trying to take it all in. And, I’m like, “Omg, what?” and he looks me dead in the eye, and says, “You. You happened. You came over here, and gave me a hug.” And we started crying, and hugged again. I couldn’t believe it. I can’t imagine him not being here. Now, we no longer work at the same company, but we’re still friends, and I get to hear about his kids, and his grandkid(!) and see the joy in his life. And the joy that I have because of that, the encouragement and reinforcement to reach out to people. To me, it was just a hug, but to him it was literally a life line. It was just reaching out, where I was at, and taking a chance. He could’ve just as easily shut me down, and I could’ve just as easily not reached out. But, I’m so grateful that I didn’t. He is one of the best people I’ve ever met, that I’ve ever had the privelage to get to know. I wouldn’t take it back for the world.

Some people are called to go. Some people are called to go-where they’re at. You never know what people are going through. You never know what one small thing is going to change someone’s life. This one was in a big way, but maybe someone just needs a friend, to know someone cares. We are called to be the light of the world. That we live so that others might see Christ through us. No man left behind. God doesn’t throw anyone away. Maybe he’s calling you. To make the gesture. Calling you to Show UP!

Isaiah 61:1-3 says:
The Lord God has put his Spirit in me,
    because the Lord has appointed me to tell the good news to the poor.
    He has sent me to comfort those whose hearts are broken,
to tell the captives they are free,
    and to tell the prisoners they are released.
² He has sent me to announce the time when the Lord will show his kindness
    and the time when our God will punish evil people.
He has sent me to comfort all those who are sad
³ and to help the sorrowing people of Jerusalem.
I will give them a crown to replace their ashes,
    and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow,
    and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness.
Then they will be called Trees of Goodness,
    trees planted by the Lord to show his greatness. (NCV)

The Lord has filled you with his Spirit, to comfort the broken hearted. You know, one of my favorite songs says, “Waymaker, Miracle Worker, Promise Keeper, Light in the Darkness – that is who you are.” Because he lives within us, that is who we are. If He is all these things, so are we. He is the breaker of chains. He sets us Free! He keeps ALL of his promises. He works miracles! He IS THE WAY! And the LIGHT OF THE WORLD in Darkness. A whole world of Darkness, we need to shine HIS LIGHT! To comfort those who are broken. To reach out. Thank God he saves you from you! Get tucked into his glory! Be his light for others, in a world so dark, share his light. Galations 5:6 “… the ONLY thing that counts is faith expressing itself through LOVE.” The world needs more love, and God’s got it in overflow, to flow through you.

Finally, time to share with you the story of my Christmas miracles. Oh, our great, good, good Father who provides. I’m just going to jump right in today because I have been dying to share this with everyone, and because it’s a bit of a long story, but it’s a good one.

In September of this past year, my husband and I were deep in the throes of struggling to not even make ends meet, our ends couldn’t even see each other. This past year had been a year of adjustment. Some stuff just had not panned out in our lives, and we’re were trying to figure out how to live on one income again. During this time, I had started my ladies bible study, and I had really started going to my newfound church regularly. But, for four months of the year, April through July, I had also been garnished. When my husband quit his job, I was literally served within the week. Great. So, we survived that, by the skin of our teeth, and then, August was kind of looking up, but one night early September, I had a massive snit about money, and in my anger, applied for a second job. Took me a whole 15 minutes, and after I completed it, I just went on with my life. Didn’t even really think about it. Whatever. I did it out of spite. 2 days later, I get a phone call. They would like to give me an interview. Wow. Job opening hadn’t even closed yet. Well, I come to find out, they wanted me to be a checker, not a stocker, but again, I don’t really care, we are HARD UP for money. So, this is like mid-September. I interview, they accept, they give me my starting wage, and tell me that they’ll call me soon for training. Bills are piling up, I’m stressing, no one is calling. 2 weeks go by. Please come in and fill out the paperwork (W2s, etc.) Ok. So, I schedule it for a Friday, and that Friday morning, while I’m at my regular job, I get a phone call, from the Sheriff’s Dept. We have paperwork for you, please come pick it up. I’m like, you’ve got to be kidding. So, when I get off my regular job. I go to my new part-time job to fill out my W2 stuff, and then I leave there to go pick up my paperwork from the Sheriff’s Dept. and low-and-behold… I’m getting a continuation of my garnishment…. Suhweet. But, to be honest, that was the most chill and accepting I have ever been of a garnishment. Look at this, in my anger, over a month ago, I now have a job that will at least make it so my garnishment isn’t nearly as devastating as it would’ve been…#Godshowedup. And, I literally started at that second job, just in time, that as my first garnished check hit, so did my first second paycheck. *Ok, so here you might be thinking, coincidence. But this is just the intro 😉 So, fast forward a little bit, my second job paychecks are almost identical to what I’m missing out of my regular job’s garnishment. So, I also tell my boss, I’m moonlighting, just in case he gets a phone call from my current employer, asking for a reference. *Remember this part. K, So, there was September & October. Also, in this time, I’ve started listening to podcasts of sermons (which the first day of podcasts is an interesting story I’ll share sometime ;)) And, between podcasts, regular sermons, and my jobs, it’s on my heart to tithe. I’m not a tither. Although, ever since I was young, I’ve occassionally given the “two mites” that the widower gave (aka – anything I have in my wallet when the basket shows up.) And God has always given me money that week, in some crazy way, shape, or form. So, here I am, man, I should really tithe. I can’t afford to tithe. Back and forth. Stumbling across sermons that randomly go off on tangents about tithing. Ugh, can we say, internal battle. This doesn’t make sense. I’m dead broke. Christmas is coming, start tithing now? Finally, the day after Thanksgiving, I do my first real tithe, pay any bills I can. And, I forget about it. Going on with my life…. Fast forward, 6 days, and I get a phone call. *Please note, I have told no one that I tithed. No one. The phone call is from a lady that started attending my bible study group in August. She’s heard some of my struggle. She works for a non-profit, she had tried to steer me toward some different assistance programs, but not much luck. She calls me because, her non-profit, gets people -especially at Christmas-time – who would like to bless others. Would I be interested? Ummmm, duh. But, I politely say, “Yes, of course.” I’m thinking, you know, small stuff. She starts saying, to make a list of needs, like laundry soap, groceries, etc. Then, she says, make sure you put down some bigger stuff too – like maybe you need new tires? Or one of your bills paid? Also, please put down some stuff you would like to gift people for Christmas, like toys for kids, or whatever. Then, after I make a list, she’ll give it to the people, they’ll review it, and essentially, you’ll get whatever they feel they can provide. I’m not kidding, I was sporadically crying the rest of the day. I couldn’t believe it. I made a list. My car needs repair, pay my electric bill, trash bags, toys and clothes for my son and nephews. All of it. I mean, I wasn’t trying to be greedy, so I didn’t get too crazy, but if you don’t ask, you won’t receive, right? I gave her the list, the next day (7 days from the day I tithed…) And, I shared the good news with my husband. Who did not receive it well, to put it nicely. He does not approve of “hand outs”, well, I felt it was a blessing. Guess that could be a marked difference to feeling like you’re in God’s hands, versus not being there – yet. So, another week goes by. No news on the blessing front, but I’m not worried, whatever I get, I get. God will provide. Then, here we are, about a week and half later, and she shows up to bible study, and tells me we need to talk after. So, we complete our study that evening (which was a crazy spirit-filled time!!! Full of Blessings and Overflow of God in our lives!) And, after it’s over, and she gives me back my list. And says, we’ve paid one of your bills (which was a beast of a bill! :/) I start crying, a little. Then, she says, here’s a card for groceries, and some cash for one of the gifts you listed, and a gift card for you (because we noticed that you didn’t put anything on the list for yourself). And, I have some stuff in my car for you. Then, she literally gives me a gigantic bag full of laundry soap, and toothpaste, and shampoo/conditioner, and, and, and…. And Then, she pulls out another gigantic bag full of gifts for my son and my nephews. And, I’m crying as I’m writing this. I just couldn’t believe it. I tithed, and God blessed me 9x what I gave!!! Just when I needed it. Now, I know, this was just in time for Christmas, and I do not expect this kind of blessing all the time, but talk about #Godshowedup!!! WHAT?!?!!? I’m hugging and crying and I just can’t believe all this stuff! AND WE ARE NOT EVEN DONE YET! I go home, and start bringing all this stuff inside, and my husband cannot believe his eyes. I’m through the moon! Just flitting around the house, restocking everything, we were on our last trash bag, here’s a whole roll. We were down to two loads of laundry soap, here’s a 3 month supply. We were down to the last of the toothpaste, here’s a tube for everybody. My husband had been out of shaving cream for a minute, and here was his brand and particular shaving cream. Are you kidding me? Then, that evening, we had one of our most fruitful discussions about God and his blessings, more than ever before. ❤ This was a Tuesday. Then, I walk into church on Sunday, and one of our church members walks up and gives me cash, and says she was asked to give it to me by someone else, Merry Christmas! WHAT?!?!? Sorry, I don’t have better ways to depict my shock and awe at all of this. We have now reached my tithe at tenfold. Then, I walk into my job the next day (my regular job) and my boss takes me aside and says, that starting in January, he has found quite a few jobs and projects he would like me to work on, and that these would require overtime. He asked that I figure out how much overtime I needed to not have to work my second job, and he would try to make sure he found enough work to accommodate that. I was just on Cloud Holy Spirit (I would say Cloud 9, but we totally know who’s pulling the strings here). And, my last garnishment payment, was the Friday before Christmas (Merry Christmas to me!!!). I mean – look at ALL OF THAT!! Just look at it! All of that! To me there is no other explanation. And please believe, that’s not even all of it. This blog, this blog was started because I was looking every where for new inspiration on how to make money, and although, I have no belief that this blog is going to be a money maker – I started it on my ONE day off between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The ONE day, that I had other plans and had requested off, and then God had everyone cancel their plans with me that day, and the one thing I did do got over really early. Which was not lost on me, since I had told God that morning, IF I have time, I’ll do the blog today, and he wiped my calendar. To talk to all of you! To share my stories. My stories of this ladies’ bible study – which is growing! Stories of ministering to others, where I’m at. Stories of #Godshowedup!!! Because he does. He has. He always will. He’s our God of more than enough. God of overflow. God of Blessings! I’m so blessed to share this with you, so blessed to be a daughter of THE FATHER. So grateful! And looking forward to seeing you here again next time. Because, God shows up, will you?

I know, the plan was to post once a week, and it still is the plan, mostly. But yesterday morning, when I woke up to this brand new 2019, this was the verse from my Bible app, to start my year. Which, is a great scripture, and one to remember for many occasions, but it vividly reminded me of when God really showed up the first time, after I started going back to church. Little background leading up to this story. I had recently gotten married and graduated from online college, I had a career that I was very proud of, and I had recently accepted a brand new role in a small company in a rural town from where I live. I thought, everything was going great. My new job paid bank, we were getting ready to sign on a house, we were already making great and glorious remodeling plans, it was going to be A-MAZ-ING!!! And we were thrilled! And quite literally, the Friday before we’re going to sign papers for the house, to move, and I get pulled into the CEO’s office, where the Corporate manager proceeds to eat me and the Plant Manager alive in front of the CEO. And, ends the session, informing us that in a month, one of us (the Plant Manager or myself) will no longer be here…. WOW. Now, I personally, have never even been written up at work. I haven’t even had a hard “talking-to” in years, let alone this degree of … whatever that was. I am, for the first time in my life, rendered speechless. As I leave the meeting, and go to my desk to gather my things, the Plant Manager pulls me aside and says he’s pretty sure it’s a ploy to get rid of him (he’s older, he costs the money a lot in insurance for meds, etc.) I just look at him, and say, “Don’t worry about it. I’m leaving before the time is up. I can find another job, you need the insurance. Joke’s on them.” And that was it. My career just blew up in my face. I left a job that I had been at for 5 years for this, and it just blew up. The house – pointless. All of it. I go home to break the news to my husband. Fast forward a little, I get a job as an entry level factory worker at a company my dad has been at forever (and loves, and has been trying to get me to come to.) Fast forward again, I try to move up and it once again blows back on me. I just cannot win.

Feeling wholly and completely defeated, I make a plan. We’re going to sell our mobile home and move South. Yep. Obviously, life isn’t working out here, it’s time to move on. So, we start making plans. I fix up a few more things and put the house on the market, I make contact with some of my husband’s family, we start looking at the job market. Yep, this is what we’re doing. And, at one point, I’m discussing all this with my brother, and he asks me, if I’ve asked God about this…. Um, no. I haven’t. And, now, I can already sense it, as soon as he said it, God isn’t having this business. But, I went totally childish, well, if I don’t ask – he can’t tell me “No” and I won’t be defying him… Right? Plan moves forward. We are now getting ready to go on “vacation” for a few days to visit my husband’s family, where we’re going to look at places to live, and jobs, and get ready to move! Someone is buying our house at the end of the month. We’re going to stay in South Dakota through the summer, help my folks out on the farm, and then hit the road. We’re saying good-bye to our friends, telling everyone I know that I don’t have much time left, we’re heading south, going to scout it out soon….. And God showed up. 5 days before we are due to leave for “vacation”, this manager from a dept I had been part-timing in pulls me aside, and says he needs my help today. – Ok. The next day, he tells me again, I need your help in my dept. – Ok. Finally, the 3rd day, he again needs my help. – Now, I have noticed that someone in the dept is missing these days, but surely there are other more capable people to help here. And, so I challenge him. “What are you doing? Where’s this other person? Are they sick? What’s going on?” And he looks at me and says, “Let me be honest. She’s transferred departments, and I want you to take this job. I think you would be a good fit. Take some time, think it over, let me know.” EXCUSE ME?!?! I literally leave to go job and house hunting in 2 days!!! But, people, this is a dream job. This is a perfect for me job. This is a “I don’t think I could apply for it and get it job.” – Now, I will say that part of my plan to move south is because this company is so massive with so many seasoned employees, I thought that my chances of advancement were slim to none. So, I go home and tell my husband. And, in his deep love for me, he says, “Well, you decide what you want and let me know. I go where you go.” God showed up. He was there the whole time, but come on, I knew. I knew, somehow, as soon as my brother posed it, that this wasn’t what God had planned, and that some how, some way, this plan wasn’t happening, but I was barreling forward like it was. I sold my house, I got rid of almost all my stuff, I tuned-up my resume, and God threw my a curve-ball. But, everything that has happened since then has been an absolute blessing. My job is great, my boss is great, I have a solid Christian family, I’ve found a growing, thriving Christian church that encourages the fire in me, I’ve started a bible study. I got to spend my dad’s last years with him. I was never supposed to leave. God knew exactly what was up, and he tried to tell me, but I just didn’t want to listen. And what if I hadn’t? What if I had doubled-down? What would’ve happened then? I cannot imagine, nor do I want to. I wouldn’t take it back for the world. ❤ I hope this encourages you, when sometimes it feels like you know what you’re doing, maybe there’s a still small voice that says, “maybe not” or “yes, this is the right path.” Listen. Listen to it. Bend to his will, let him mold you, let him make the arrangements, let him guide you to where you’re going, it’s always better than what you think you know anyway. 😉

In my last post, I referred to the fact that there is power in praying scripture over your life. If you do not currently do this, I strongly encourage it, but I also know it takes a while to get used to this concept, if it’s not something you’ve pursued yet. As I, have only started praying scripture in the last 3 years, and really doubled-down in the last year. Let me share the story of how I have figured out how incredibly powerful this can be.

When I first started going to church again – 6 years ago, I was right back to my old ways. I’m here, I’m singing, I’m sitting in the pew, but I’m still totally doing my own thing when I’m not in this building. And, I can’t say that I was really expecting a lot, I felt like I was going to church for my kid, but also because God had put me here and I grew up hearing the stories of Jonah and Sarah, and was not about to blatently defy God. I believe this went on for about a year. We’re going, my son is loving it, and I’m enjoying the church-folk but like I said, not really seeing where this is going. And, then, one day, something motivated me to stop making excuses and start really studying the Bible. I want to say it was that my son kept asking me all the questions about the Bible, I realized that I really couldn’t answer a lot of his questions – but to be honest, I cannot really recall right now. Ok, so now, I’m a mother of a 4 year old, I have a full-time job, I just recently finished online school, and my career is starting to take-off, and when do I have time to study the Bible? Besides the fact that I’m still doing a lot of this under the radar because my husband is not a believer, and periodically likes to bombard me with questions about my faith, that I do not have the answer to. I reach out to my dad, who is forever excited about buying someone any biblical materials they might ever need. I find a book, that claims to have 5 minute devotionals for your ultimate busy mom. Perfect. My dad buys it, and I start reading it. Slowly at first, not every day, but I’m here, I’m trying. And, as I continue to force this habit, it becomes easier and easier. I started waking up 10 minutes earlier every day to give myself plenty of time for a 5 minute devo. I think it was only supposed to take me a year, but it took like a year and half, maybe a little longer. But, low and behold, when I got done doing that one, now I wanted to read another one. This is now something I continue to try to do. You seriously just have to find something, some way, to get you started. Now, because I’ve read devos, I’ve realized there are certain books of the Bible I want to read, so those have become my morning devos. I have also started waking up even earlier to give myself plenty of time to pray. Also, another habit that I had to originally force, but now, I’m doing it a lot. Sometimes, I have to be careful, I’ve gotten so caught up in prayer I’m almost late for work. It’s wonderful. Deep down in your soul wonderful. It’s such an intimate, holy, wonderful connection. I will probably have several entries on prayer throughout this time. Once you truly figure it out, it is incredibly rewarding and you will realize why there are books dedicated to prayer. Anyway, back to this story. So, about 3 years ago (2 years of devotionals, and about 1 year of trying to figure out how to pray) I realized that I wasn’t praying for myself really. I was praying for my mom, and my son, and my dad, and, and, and ……. what do I want? What should I pray for myself? I didn’t really want to pray for more money, or my career, or whatever, I wanted something open-ended, something that I could leave open to the interpretation of God. What do I want, that you -Almighty Father – want? I pondered on this for a long time. Read scripture. Read devotionals. Listened to sermons. What do I want? Then, one day, it came to me. Matthew 5:16. I want to be a light.

3 1/2 years ago, I started praying to be a light. Originally, it was just in my morning prayers, like right at the end, “and let me be a light, that others may see you through me.” I honestly had no idea what I was doing with that incredibly powerful scripture. Slowly, I started changing. I started wanting to go to church, like really wanting it. I started wanting to read my Bible, more, not just in the morning, I started wanting to do volunteer work to help with missions again. I started really changing. Becoming a new creature in Christ. Fast forward to this year. I walked into a new church that I had started attending a little bit last year (approximately around the same time that Satan started hitting me with blow after blow – please believe that it is not lost on me that Satan did not want me to connect with this church.) and as I’m talking to a Pastor that is just On Fire for God, he looks at me, and says, “You’re a light, sissy.” And I almost started crying. Here we are, 3 1/2 years of praying, and a Pastor just said it to me. Now, he had no idea that I’ve been praying for this, I’ve hardly met the guy but a few times at this point. That was the Holy Spirit acknowledging me. Then, a few weeks later, one of my best friends writes me a Thank You note out of the blue, saying how grateful she is that we are friends, and how she admires my relationship to God – “You are such a light for him.” Wow. She, too, also has no idea that I’ve been praying for this. I have had several people since then, make the same comment, and the entire time, I’ve been keeping this to myself because I’m just in awe of the Holy Spirit acknowledging my prayers. Then, on Christmas Day, I got the one that has inspired me to share this with all of you. When people asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year, I didn’t really have an answer, but one of the things that I did tell 1 person I wanted, was some “Jesus clothes” as in – something that referred to Jesus love you, Faith in the cool cross way that they’ve been doing it, etc. Something. I don’t really have any “Jesus clothes” and I wanted some. Well, here I had celebrated with the family and had not received any “Jesus clothes” but, oh well, it’s ok. Not a huge deal. When, one of my best friends says she has a gift for me. And, low and behold, a Jesus shirt. She’s not even the person that I told that I wanted one. And, not only is it a Jesus shirt, here is what it says, “I am the LIGHT of the world, those who follow me will never walk in darkness.” I am speechless. Amen!!! Here we are, 3 1/2 years into this prayer, and the Holy Spirit is just confirming and answering me all over the place. I’m just floored. And, look, here’s this blog, reaching out to all of you. Encouraging all of you. To be a light, to shine for him, to follow him, he will never leave you or forsake you. He will always come through. He has started a good work in you, and he will see it come to pass. So, I encourage you to decide what you are asking God for in this new year. Do you know? Maybe you’re not even that far. Maybe you just need to decide to set aside time for him and stick to it. They’re all steps on the path, but where is your path taking you? I’m choosing to Walk by Faith, not by sight this next year. 2 Corinthians 5:7 I hope you all will join me. God bless you and keep you in 2019!

I discussed one of my key players in my last post – my Prayer Box. Being thankful for what the Lord has given us, taking time to show our appreciation in a way. This, my friends, is my War Board. Although there is a current influx of many “War Room” quotes from the incredibly popular movie that came out a while back. I personally could not accommodate a “War Room” myself, our current living situation is too small, but of course, that doesn’t stop me from working something out. I used to have one where we at one of our previous houses, and had been kinda struggling since we moved into our most recent place. And then, one day, I came across this cork board that had been taken down from it’s previous job and was just sitting in a corner. Suddenly, I knew exactly what to do with it. Now, it is my “War Board”. My wall of encouraging scripture, and obvious strategic battle plans that I can easily refer to, a part of my house that I walk past regularly and look at. Reminding myself of key phrases and scripture to help me in our battle against Satan. Because I am a firm believer that we are in a battle, and if you think God has time to bless you, and be presently active in your life, then do not fool yourself into thinking that devil is not also presently active in your life.

1 Peter 5:8 tells us, to be sober and vigilant because our enemy lurks like a roaring lion waiting for someone to devour. And Ephesians 6:12 tells us that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers of this dark world. We are lights of the Lord, and the devil wants to snuff out that light. And we need to be prepared for that. I alluded to, in one of my original posts, that last year, was the worst year of my life. Satan threw a lot at me last year. Its not very encouraging when you are venting to people about stuff happening in your life, and they gently tell you, “you remind me of Job.” If you are ever feeling sorry for yourself, read Job. If you haven’t read Job, read Job. That is an entire book confirming the fact that God and the devil are active in your life. But, that’s kinda what my life looked like. I had a family member buy me some over the counter anti-anxiety meds because they were concerned for the amount of stress happening in my life – also very encouraging :P. Because, the devil was actively attacking me, and please believe, he was pulling out all the stops. And then, the final event of last year happened, my dad died. Now, I believe that it was my father’s time, and that was God’s hand. It was time, and I do not begrudge that. But, I also believe that when my dad got to heaven, God told him, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.” – And, I have made my peace with all of that. But, here’s the deal, when that happened – after I finally shook off the fog and the shock and started getting back into my life – I had a completely different perspective. I started to realize that I was being attacked, that devil was trying to dissuade me from my faith, that I am a light, and that I am destined to do things for Christ and bring people to the faith and help them grow.

So, sometimes it’s God doing stuff, that isn’t necessarily bad, although it may seem like it at the time, but he’s really just moving things around to make new things, and sometimes it’s Satan actively attacking you, and we need to try to discern the differences. My “War Board” has helped me gain understanding, helped me grow, and continues to encourage me along my walk. There is power in having scripture on your walls, there is power in reading scripture in your prayers, in declaring scripture over your life, and you need to take an active stand to make that possible. You are what you eat, and if you are not eating the bread of life….. What are you eating? I know, we’re all busy, we’ve all crammed our lives so full of stuff, that we make all sorts of excuses as to why we don’t have time. But you need to make time. God and the devil are making time for you. I have a poem on my “War Board” that reminds me of this. The poem is called, “The Difference” by Aditya Pratap Nayak. I encourage you to look it up (I’m still researching how to give people credit without plagiarizing on here). It’s main theme is that you didn’t make time for God, and then wondered why your life was so hard and you didn’t get what you asked for….. Stop making excuses, start making time, and you will see the difference.

So, we are to always be thankful.

Did you know there are over 50 references telling us to be thankful throughout the Bible? *This is just a quick guess-timate after a quick search* The one that always speaks to me is my “life verse” It’s my verse that every time I read it, it speaks to me. Every time I’m going through hard times, I turn to it, like a mantra. To me, it says everything there is about being a Christian. Colossians 3:12-15.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” Colossians 3:12-15

I mean, look at it. God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved – he’s addressing you – put on all these good characteristics. Bear with each other and forgive as the Lord forgives – and how does the Lord forgive? Completely, wholly, forgiving everything – forgive others this way. And put on love – which binds all these things, because without love – what is the point? God is love, put on God, put on his love, live in it, combine all these things with that Godly love. And be at peace. The peace of Christ. The everlasting, eternal, supernatural peace. AND BE THANKFUL! This is like a superpower verse for me. It just revels in my soul. I just really needed to share that. I just love those verses ❤

So, here I’m focusing on the Be Thankful part, because here’s the deal. As we’ve stated before, I really started on this journey, not too long ago, and this Prayer Box, has been a big player. With everything we are supposed to give Thanks. Thanks be to God. Our good, good Father. The giver of everything. And, sometimes, it’s hard for us to realize what all he is doing in our lives, when we’re not really taking the time to stop and be thankful. This prayer box has helped me do that. I personally, just cut these little hearts out of notebook paper and put them in there. I write a word or two, for an answered prayer. Like, “healing this person” or “someone’s job”. It doesn’t have to be this whole elaborate story, it’s just a quick note, acknowledging, that I prayed for something, and God answered me. A feasible record of him answering my prayers. Sometimes, I kinda save them up, I know he’s answered a few, so I write down a bunch at once. Either way, find a way to acknowledge what God has done for you. Take the time to give him Thanks. I mean, think about this too, if you don’t truly appreciate what you get, then, why would he be inclined to give you more? I’m not saying that he won’t or that it’s truly how it works, but if you think about it, when people are appreciative of your gifts, don’t you get excited about giving them more? Don’t you want to shower them with more? I really think that it helps grow your relationship with Him. Knowing all he’s doing for you, you personally, in your life, today. Also, how cool is it to be able to show others what your God has done for you? I love it. When it starts to get full, I open it up and put them into a scrapbook, and I can still look back at all the wonderful things he’s done for me. I’m so blessed.

The above picture is my actual prayer box. This idea just came to me at one point. My sister had given me this shadow box at one point, and although I didn’t know at the time what it would turn into, I gladly accepted. Then, it just chilled around my house for some time while I tried to figure out what I was going to do with it. One day, it came to me. I found a bunch of scriptures I liked, and put it around the border. Scriptures: John 7:38; Romans 15:13; Ephesians 3: 16-17; Mark 11:24; 1 Corinthians 13:2; Hebrews 11:1; 2 Corinthians 5:7; 1 Corinthians 16:13; and 1 Corinthians 2:5. The image in the middle is pretty heart that I found, printed out, and traced onto the inner sheet. Then, I just free-handed the words, “Pray Big” into the center. Then, the key part of this prayer box, is that it has a tiny slot near the top right before the border where the beginning of the open space is – it’s cut through to the back, so I can slide my answered prayers in like a piggy bank. This is so when I want to add an answered prayer to the box, I don’t have to disassemble it. If you’re feeling crafty – go ahead and try to make one, it’s not terribly difficult. But, either way, I do challenge you to find a real, feasible way to Thank God for what he does for you, some way for you to really take the time to Thank Him, for being the really incredible good, good Father that he is.