Digging Deeper

So, I’ve been thinking.  And, I would like to say that I didn’t get into this Wonderland of following the Holy Spirit by just waking up one Sunday and being like, “let’s do this.”  So, don’t get discouraged, or think that this isn’t somewhere you can get to, because I feel like everyone can get here.  Now, I will put a disclaimer that following the Holy Spirit might not look like the spoons and the cookies and anything else that ends up in here, but I will tell you, that you’ll know that it is the Holy Spirit.  You’ll know because you can feel it.  It’s something that’s not you, it’s a stirring deep within, a special feeling, it’s something you “can’t” explain *but you can because it’s the spirit, you may just not realize it right away.  Anyway.  Let’s back up, let’s get some background here.  

I grew up going to church.  Always.  My parents were fervent believers and avid church-goers, which in retro-spect is probably a big part of why my journey has gone the way it has, but I also don’t feel like my journey has been “special” necessarily, nor that just because your journey is different from mine that we can’t get to the same place.  So, back to going to church, I went, whether I liked it or not, I went.  Pretty much, unless I was on my deathbed, I went, because that’s what was expected.  And, I had some good friends there, but I wasn’t getting into the faith.  When I was about 9, an apocalyptic movie came out that convinced me that my fate was evident and I was going to die soon, so I got baptized and felt some stirring within, but still wasn’t too into all of this.  Time goes on, I’m continuing to go to church, and bible camp, and youth group, and, and, and, and….. I’m still not super into this.  God is good, yes, he loves me, Jesus died for my sins….. that’s nice.  And, time aches on, fast forward to my teenage years, and I am now going to church for show, to keep my parents happy and off my back – because if I were to stop going, the jig would be up.  Although, I’m at church, I’m not here.  I’m partying, I’m living my life, doing my thing, and going to church is a sham.  Then, finally, I’m 18, and I move out, and I have convinced myself that God is not real, and I’m not going to church, and I’m continuing to do my own thing, and my parents are heart-broken, but I personally don’t care too much, because that’s them and I’m me, and I’m not going to lie about it.  And, then, one day, God showed up.  And, I’ll never be the same.  ❤

So, here I am, about 23-24, and I haven’t been to church for several years (except for Christmas & Easter – as a gift for my parents who practically have to beg me to attend).  And, suddenly, one day, one of my friends is hanging out, and starts asking me about the Bible, and church, and… excuse me? Um, ok, I kind of answer his questions, but I’m also asking myself, “Why me? What about me would make you want to ask?” Hmm, Ok, whatever.  Literally days later, another person who wasn’t present for the original conversation, starts asking similar questions, again, I kinda answer, but I also don’t believe this business (at least not really – maybe….).  I think to myself, BiZarre? Now, again, mere days later, someone on the street stops me and asks if they can pray for me, something is weighing on my life.  WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!?!  I continue to shrug it off, kind of, not really, I’m panicking on the inside. Where is all of this coming from? Then, my son says to me one night (he’s 3) he would like to “Church” his food.  “Excuse me?” “Mom, church our food.” “Church? What do you mean, church?” “Church” and he makes the praying motion with his hands.  I FREAK OUT. I can only think of one place this could be coming from, I call my parents. Did you do this? Are you trying to use my kid to get me to come back to church? No, my parents assure me, and I know, deep down that they wouldn’t do this.  And, I also know, that only I know that all this other stuff has been happening, all these other signs.  After getting off the phone, I stood there in my kitchen, and look to the sky, and say, “Ok God, no more signs, please, I’m good.” This was a slow beginning to where I’m at today, to where I truly decided that Jesus is the Christ, and I do believe, and I’m a vessel to move with the Holy Spirit.  Over 6 years ago, we began the journey that got us here, and quite a few things happened between now and then.  And, I’m sure as we go along here, we’ll get to everything in between.  God bless you, I hope this inspires, I hope it helps, I hope you know that you are not alone, and you too can feel the Spirit within you, and that he wants YOU, and care about YOU, and you are wholly important to him.  That’s why you’re here.  

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