Recently, I have been in a strange place. I have just been struggling emotionally, and trying to get back to where I need to be.
I was listening to the Lord one morning, earlier this year, after my initial prayer time. Just sitting in silence, and listening. Being still in the presence of our Lord.

And, He whispered to me, in my soul. “Growth”

I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t really thinking – like I need to grow more (although I completely understand that we are in a state of constant growth). But, regardless, when the Lord speaks – we listen.

So, I buckled up, for a ride that would be nothing how I anticipated. Because, you know, whenever the Lord speaks to you, you have your own ideas about how things are going to go. And, that is never, at all, what the Lord meant when He said it.

All year, I have kept my eyes open, and my flesh willing, to what the Lord meant, when He said “Growth”.

And, all year, He has been stretching me, and pulling me – sometimes with tears in my eyes and the proverbial kicking and screaming that you can imagine. But, dragging my feet every step of the way, I have still made the steps. Because I know that what is on the other side, is incredible, and worth it, and the only way I can get there – is His way. Not my will, but yours be done Lord.

So, one of the things that He has challenged me with, is being more open and honest with people. I will admit, I think – here – it’s a little easier to be open and honest, because I’m just putting myself out there, but I don’t have any control over who reads it. And, I’m still mindful of what I’m putting out here – but still trying to give you the rough and raw, in’s and out’s of it all. Because this is part of how we grow, and share the Spirit of the Lord – by knowing that we’re not alone. By having the comfort and solace that we’re all making these steps. But – in real life, in my circle, I’m way less likely to be open about the battles I face sometimes. I have a hard time letting people in. I have been burned so many times, I’m quite timid about who I’m allowing to be in my space.

So – you know where this is going… right? God was like, let’s grow that a bit.

Ugh, leave it to our Heavenly Father to know just what our weaknesses are. But I will say this, He does always know what’s best for us, and He really is just helping us in our walks. How can others know, how God is showing up in your life – if no one knows anything about your life?

I have to learn to trust people. And, I know, that I’m still going to get burned sometimes – but you never grow where you’re comfortable, and you can’t open yourself to the miracles and wonders of life, if you’re never willing to open up.

SO – I started trying to open up more. I opened up to my ladies at church. Openly admitted that I am struggling in life, and needed prayer. I openly admitted to my friends and family that I am having difficulties not being a constant hot mess, and I’m not really sure why. I just let some of those raw emotions out. And, they were met with concern and comfort. And, I will admit, sometimes I didn’t really feel it right away. And sometimes I was questioning – why did I even tell those people that? Ugh! But, then in the days to follow, I felt more supernatural peace. I felt solace that people were praying for me. And where two or more are praying in agreement, God is answering.

It opened my eyes to the fact, that I was not supposed to be fighting this battle alone.

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Galatians 6:2

That I was over here, growing in God. Trying to fill my cup, trying to let Him fill my cup, and I was neglecting this whole aspect of His ministry. This is not a solo journey.

He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together in him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:10-11

We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with His son, Jesus Christ… But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

1 John 1:3,7

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Provers 27:17

And, the outpouring that has occurred from my stepping out in faith, has been overwhelming.

Thank God, that He loves us where we are, but always love us too much to leave us where we’re at.

This past week, I have had all these seeds, that I didn’t even realize were being planted, just pour out into a beautiful bouquet into my lap. That, people have been coming out of the wood-work to tell me, how much they love me. How they have missed me. How grateful they are to have me in their lives. That I am not alone.

The enemy’s lies are powerful, that you can be surrounded by people at times, and still feel alone. I have been so moved by the outpouring that I am shocked that I could’ve ever felt alone. And, I should clarify, I don’t mean alone in the sense of like I’m all by myself, but more that I have to do everything by myself. That because I’m sad and overwhelmed, I’m the only one who can pull me out. And, I should know better. That it’s way easier to grab a hand reaching down to pull you out, than to try to do it on your own. That you should always take help when it’s offered, AND you have to be open and honest – that you need the help. But, funny how, it’s always hardest to take our own advice.

I’m just blown away by the fellowship. That by allowing other people in, they can shine a light in all these dark places. They are wiping out the cobwebs of my soul and helping me get on the more fulfilling path. And, God has been showing me, that I can trust people. I can be open and honest about things, and not only are people not going to look down on me because of it, they’re going to share their own testimonies of being overcomers, of digging out of the darkness, or they’re going to ask if they can hold my hand – look me in the eye – and we can get through this together. Wow. I receive it, the great and glorious love of God. Right here, in my life. The outpouring of His moving, comforting, and supernatural soul – looking me right in the eye – through a friend or loved one, and just being there with me. That I’m not doing this alone. That I just need to be yoked to Jesus, and to realize all the incredible tools that Jesus is using – some of which comes in the form of fellowship & friends.

I feel it’s important to mention, that part of what showed me this outpouring of fellowship – was my birthday, this past week. I have a few different friends who decided to get me birthday gifts this year. And, these are all independent friends – like they’re not friends with each other necessarily, but they’re my friends. So – I noticed a theme among them all. Everyone gave me affirmations. Every single friend gave me some gift that said good things about me. Each in their own way, but every single person was pouring into me for my birthday gifts. And, I took a moment, to recognize – that God had a theme for my birthday this year – that I am loved, I am beautiful, I am alive for a purpose, I am wholly and dearly loved, and that I am not doing this alone. #Godshowedup

Let’s Pray

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank You. Thank you for making me the member of a body. Thank you for opening my eyes to the fact that I have people who love and care about me, and who want to help me. People who want to be a part of my life, and my journey. That I am not an island, but a body, and that I can depend on and reach out to the other parts of the body to help me when I’m struggling. That You will use them to help me stand firm in my faith. You will use them to encourage me, and give me affirmations of your love and your faith in me. That you will pour out your love and your soul through all of them. That you move Holy Spirit in incredible, and wonderful ways. That you are the Great God of ALL Hope and ALL Comfort. That you are guiding me every step of the way. Thank you God for growing me, even when it’s uncomfortable, even when I don’t like it. Thank you for pouring out your love and grace into my life, to never leave me where I’m at and to continue this incredible journey with you, and with your body. IN JESUS’ NAME!!! AMEN!!

It has been a minute, dear friends.

I have just gone through an interesting situation. It was the result of my last post, months ago. The storm approaching on the horizon… It was a little rainy, some thunder, but definitely not the originally anticipated storm I had imagined, or feared.

And here we are, on the other side. Sun is shining. Almost like it never happened. But the results are there, the feelings. So you know it happened, but no real tangible effects, it seems. And from all this, I am reminded of so much.

Of all the times, I ran around like the sky was falling (years ago now). Of all the times, I doubted God. Of all the struggles. Just everything. This whole walk we’ve been on. Where He had just been ever present, ever patient, just waiting for me to understand, that I don’t need to understand. To figure out, that I don’t have to make sense of anything, I just have to trust and obey. And he’ll guide me through.

Times like these I take comfort in everything I’m learning from the Bible. All these examples God has given us to live by. Like the great prophet Elijah – who went to the king and declared a drought, then was led into the wilderness. Where he spent a couple years being fed by ravens day and night, next to a creek that never ran dry in a drought…. Then, he went and lived with a low class widow for a while, and God fed all 3 of them. And when the son died, Elijah raised him from the dead. Then, Elijah went to the top of Mt. Carmel where God put on a spectacular display and Elijah killed All the prophets of Baal. Then, he announced the rain that God was bringing. Soooo incredible!! I mean, I feel like if you and I had seen wonders like this, we would never, ever, ever stop telling everybody about our God.

……and yet, when the Queen Jezebel threatened to kill Elijah for what he has done, he ran for his life. He absolutely lost all sense of mind, and bolted. The great prophet Elijah.

And when he finally stopped running, God just sent an angel to take care of him. Gave him food and water and tucked him in for a nap, twice! And reassured him that the journey was too much and he needed to rest and recharge.

Then, when Elijah arose, he went about doing the Lord’s business again. (1 Kings 18 & 19)

I think it’s really important to know these examples from the Bible that God has given us. That when Abraham and Sarah were told that they would have a baby, finally, at their ripe old ages, they laughed. Laughed out loud. That during their same story, they took matters into their own hands and had Ishmael with Sarah’s servant because surely, this is what God meant? No, God said what he meant.

When Elizabeth and Zechariah we’re told they would have a child, the angel muted Zechariah until the baby was born because of his unbelief.

That stories like this are all through the Bible. Because, the Bible is about people, who are let’s face it, being people. But what’s so incredible, is through all of it, God still does his will. He meets everyone where they’re at. He forgives them anyway. He blesses them anyway.

And their miracles don’t always show up on their timing. Don’t always happen the way they expect. Sometimes, they don’t even get to see their miracles. You get to see them now, thousands of years later.

The one thing these people do have in common, is they still had their faith. Even when it was really small, or maybe wasn’t blatantly obvious. They kept praying. Kept going to God. They may give into their circumstances in the moment, they maybe we struggling to understand where the story was going, but they still had a mustard seed of belief down on the inside.

Even the apostles thought all was lost when Jesus died. And didn’t believe Mary right away when she claimed to see him. It took the apostles seeing him 2 more times before they believed. Even the apostles. Because they couldn’t understand how God was possibly going to turn this around – even though they had seen Lazarus raised from the dead. Somehow, 2+2 didn’t equal 4. That if God raised Lazarus, he might just raise his own Son too??

I guess, what I’m trying to get at here is that we’re all just humans. And we’re never going to understand what God is doing all the time, but through reading His Word and prayer and fellowship – we can TRUST him. He is blessing us. He is answering our prayers. He does not forsake us. He is all that we need, we just need to trust and obey, and He will be the Great God that’s he’s always been. There’s a whole book of stories to tell you about his great love, and that he’s here, and that he’s always going to be here. We just need to keep following him and having faith that is all going to work out, and it will.

And, let’s just take a moment to acknowledge that while God was putting this whole book together, he could’ve left all these moments out. He could’ve just edited them right out. But He didn’t. He purposely left it all in there, to show us that we’re all human. That none of us are perfect, and that they’re are people all through the ages who been struggling and battling the same things we are, and God showed up for each and every one of them too.

Let’s pray

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you!! Thank you for your Word. Thank you for compiling all these examples for us. Thank you for loving us so much that you gave us an instruction manual for life. That you know every single need we have, and you are providing for them all. Thank you for your patience with us, as we are still learning, and we will be every day of our lives until we reunited with you. Thank you for blessing us with the faith of a mustard seed, that we may grow it and cherish it, and use it to grow ourselves to be more like you. But to also know that even when we fall short, that you’re supernatural grace washes over us and you will still be our God and show us the way anyway. Thank you, for all that you have done, and all that you will do. IN JESUS’ NAME!! AMEN!!