I seem to be in a season of self care. I feel like I’m on this quest to figure out what all it means to be me, and to take care of me. From the fact that I’ve been battling health issues for months, to being constantly working – it seems, to also trying to find all this time to spend with my family, it’s this huge internal battle to do all the things. And they’re all things that I want to do, but how do you create this work-life balance? How do you manage this world-self balance?

I haven’t figured it out yet, and I’m not sure that I ever will. Maybe that’s all part of what this journey through life is about. But I do take solace in the fact that God knows this is a struggle. We see many people throughout the Bible seem to have the same issue.

Elijah had just been to Mount Carmel and prophesied to everyone that there would be a drought for years. That no water would fall on the land, unless Elijah said so. God had called him up to do this, and then immediately proceeded to sequester him to the mountains. He went from being in the spotlight to truly falling back into the shadows. And, here in the shadows, God took care of him. Day in and day out. With ravens, no less. Ravens – the greediest bird there is – would bring food to Elijah – twice a day. I can imagine that the trek and going before a king and proclaiming a word so boldly – would really take it out of you. So God gave him exactly what he knew he would need. He was also protecting him, since the king proceeded to send people out to hunt down Elijah and kill him for his proclamation. And, of course, God knew it all and took care of his servant. (1 Kings 17:1-6)

Many times throughout the Gospels, we see Jesus going off by himself. Before He started his ministry – he spent 40 days alone (Matthew 4:1-11). The Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46). How many times did he go by himself to pray? (Matthew 14:23, Matthew 6:46, Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16, Luke 9:18 – just to name a few)

I believe something special happens in this time alone. Time alone with God. That’s where God truly gives us what we need. He fills us up, He gives us solace, He gives us insight, He gives us peace, strength, and understanding.

Throughout this entire time, I have continued to grow my relationship with God. I have been in prayer, I have asked for guidance, I have been getting my cup filled, and just this past week – I felt I had a little overflow to share with you, in this journey. The importance of solitude. The importance of self-care. As always, you can’t give what you don’t have. And as I had stated in my last entry, I feel like I’ve been drinking everything I’m getting and I haven’t felt like I’ve had anything to share. I also had it pointed out to me this week, that I may have gotten a little full of myself with this blog. So here I confess my sin to you – that I may have started getting a bit prideful.

“The one who is to take a high place before his fellows must take a low place before his God, and there is no better manner of bringing a man down than by suddenly dropping him out of a sphere to which he was beginning to think himself essential, teaching him that he is not at all necessary to God’s plan and compelling him to consider in the sequestered vale of some Cherith how imbalanced are his motives and how insignificant his strength.”

F.B. Meyer

I spent almost 2 years without writer’s block. Almost 2 years of consistently having a blog each week, and feeling so blessed with something to share all the time. Only to have this sudden drop. This falling off the map. To struggling to have a good word to share. Like – dreading sharing this blog because I just couldn’t. Well, that’s because I never did. It was God who willed these things to share. God who had breathed words into here. Not me. And, I believe I had lost my sight of that. I feel like toward the end of my blog entries these past couple years – you could see more of me and less of Him. And, we all know that’s not how it’s supposed to be, and not what this was supposed to be about.

I take solace in the fact that I’ve come to this realization. I take solace in the fact that sometimes we’re meant to be alone. I cherish the fact that I’ve had good words to share, and that I will again. I know I’m blessed to have this relationship with God, and that He wants this relationship for all of us. I accept this time of growth and self-care, as I know it’s what’s best for me. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. I trust the Father, in what He is doing – because He is the good, good Father who knows what I need. I’m looking forward to seeing you all throughout this journey too. May God bless you and keep you.

Let’s Pray

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the blessings. Thank you for this life, for the experiences and for all that you give us. Thank you for miracles, and for times of rest and restoration. Thank you for all that you do for us. Thank you for your guidance and your understanding. Thank you for all that You do, and all that You are. That you may bless our journeys to become more like you and less like us, Father. Thank you for everything, that we may glorify and honor you with our whole beings. IN JESUS’ NAME!!! AMEN!!