I’ve really been struggling these past couple months. I’m sure you all could tell for the fact that I haven’t been here, haven’t been posting. And, I’m really sorry about that – but I haven’t felt a word. Or I should say, I haven’t felt a word to share. I haven’t known what to say. We’ve touched on so many things, in the 100+ submissions I’ve made here. And, recently, words have seemed to fail me. I keep looking for something to tell all of you, something I’ve wanted to talk about – but there just hasn’t been anything. Then, I felt awful about it. Just horrible, here I am trying to share the gospel, share growth, depth and insight, and right when I felt like I was really gaining traction… whoop! The rug just came out from under me. Suddenly, every post was a struggle, just a gut wrenching battle to find every single word, every topic. And, that wasn’t how this was supposed to be. When I first started, it all flowed so freely. Sometimes, multiple times a week! I just couldn’t wait to share some revelation or insight I had gained.

But, then, today I realized. As someone prayed over me in church, when they asked about my blog, and I told them I had hit a wall. And, as I sat listening to the sermon, there were the words.

“You know, when the flight attendant tells you, you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, before you can help someone else.”

There it was.

I had needed all the oxygen I could get these past few months. I couldn’t find the words to help anyone else, because I couldn’t breathe. I was drowning, gasping for air. Every morning that I read my devotional, I needed that scripture. Every morning when I prayed, I made sure to make point to pray for myself. Every bible study week, I needed that support. I needed every sip of living water, every bite of His bread, every breath I could take. Just to make it. Just to keep going, just to tread water.

I know a while back, I discussed the fact that I had been experiencing depression. I know I’ve talked about how overwhelming life was, and how busy I’ve been at work. I don’t know that I’ve expressed that I have also been struggling with my health – constantly going to the Dr, trying to figure out what’s going on. I don’t know that I’ve told you all, that I did end up getting Coronavirus – luckily it was very mild. But all of that, had me gasping for air. Every day has been an uphill battle to keep my feet on the ground. And, so I didn’t have anything to share because my cup wasn’t overflowing, I was chugging it all as fast as it was pouring in.

And, I believe that was one of the strangest parts to all of this. What I had been doing hadn’t changed. I still listened to gospel music/Christian music all the time – with podcasts mixed in, I still prayed every morning, I still read devotionals every day (or almost), I still had our Bible study almost every week, I was still going back to Church as much as I felt able, but suddenly the Word was gone. This incredible overflowing gift I had so thoroughly enjoyed sharing with all of you, had just disappeared.

Then, today, those words. You can’t help someone else, until you take care of yourself first. And, it clicked. That’s what the problem has been. I’ve been in so deep, I needed every Word. I’m not telling you this to make excuses either, or to suddenly promise that just because I’ve discovered the issue that it’s magically going to get better (although I can pray that it does.) But, I did have another thought.

What would life be like right now, if I hadn’t? If I hadn’t already started those habits and practices? If I hadn’t already been so entrenched in growing and learning and praying and communing? What would this storm of life looked like? Tossed about in the waves. Drowning in the overwhelming madness of it all? What if I had not built my house upon the foundation of Jesus? What if I had not grown so close to Him that I knew that if I just clung to Him with every fiber of my being, what then? That would have been ample opportunity for Satan to draw me back in. Why go to church? Why go to Bible Study? Why pray? Nothing is getting better – not definitively. But, I clung to Him. I stood with Him, and by Him, and Him in Me. Through all of it. Just knowing that it has to get better, eventually. Or today’s going to be a good day. Or He will get me through this moment. That God Will Be There, FOR me, and WITH me, and IN me. He is my strength, and my fortitude, and my salvation. Every single day of the week. He is the bread, and the water, and the life that I need. He is Everything I need, and He will give me life in abundance.

I’m so grateful God saves me from me. That we had already started down this journey, down this road together. And just like the Footprints in the Sand, when life has been at it’s roughest, He carries me. I go to Church for the fellowship, encouragement, and to hear the Word. I go to Bible Study to commune and discuss and grow in His Word. I pray because I commune with my God, who loves me and hears my cries, and answers me when I call. I read devotionals to grow in the Word, and read the Word and let it touch my soul and grow my faith.

So, although I’m not sure what this means for my blog, and whether I’ll be back to weekly entries, please know that you are all still in my heart. And God always has more to say. And, that I will keep coming back whenever I can, and when my cup overflows, and when I have a Word to share. That I pray for all of you, and although I may have never met, nor will never meet most of you, I do love you, and God loves you. And I pray these words touch your heart, and that you remember them when you need them most. That’s what this blog is all about. Getting it from your head to your heart, that God loves you every step of the way. In every storm, and every calm, in every season, through drought and plenty. That He thinks of you always, and loves you with a love we cannot comprehend. That He will always be there for you, as He is there for me.

Let’s Pray

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for your words today. Thank you for the opportunity to share Your love with others, that this may help and encourage others when they are struggling. And even if they’re not struggling right now, that they may know your love always. That they may understand, that You are the Great Amazing God Almighty. The Alpha and Omega, of all time, that You are always with us. That You know the road that lies ahead and will be with us, each and every step of the way. And when it becomes too much, that You will carry us. That You only want good things for us. That You wish to give us life in abundance, in overflow. That You may watch over us all the days of our lives, and that we may KNOW that we ARE NEVER ALONE. I pray that for myself and for everyone, everywhere. That they may know You, and be blessed by You. IN JESUS’ NAME!!! AMEN!!