My season of waiting is over for now. We have successfully moved. Although I am grateful to be done with the wait, as always every experience helps you grow. There were times during the wait that it seemed like it would never be done, times where we were tip-toeing around remodeling people and the landlord to orchestrate this thing. It was one of the most stressful and time-consuming endeavors my husband and I have had to deal with for a while. Which is a little crazy considering some of the things we’ve had to deal with over the years. But live and learn. And, as I kept reminding myself and my husband, that by the 1st, this would all be over. And for the most part, it is.
It was kinda funny, as I woke up this morning and started thinking of what to write this week, I was reminded of another bizarre story of waiting. I’m not completely convinced that I should share it, but I do feel like the Lord reminded me of this particular time, for someone out there reading this. So, here we go.
Years ago, I started getting a lump on my hip during that time of the month. Like a lump the size of an orange. And, then, after about a week, it would disappear. 3 weeks later, here it was again. After 2 months of this, and a coworker asking me about it because they could see it’s gargantuan size through my shirt, I decided to go to the doctor the next time it showed up. This began a series of doctors visits. Ultrasounds, scans, tests, etc. for months. And each month it would disappear, and reappear. Just on the right side, and about the same size, every time. It was terrifying, what was happening? Doctor after doctor, visit after visit, test after test. And no one has an answer. You can visibly see it, but it’s not showing up as anything. No ones knows. I finally go in for this last ditch test before they state that they’re going to have to give me either an MRI or they’re going to do exploratory surgery. I go in and they do the test (I cannot currently recall what kind of test it was), and I wait. And, I wait, and I wait. No one calls me after 3 days with results. Finally on the 4th day, I call the doctor’s office, and they tell me the doctor will call me back today. So, I wait, and when the doctor finally does call me back, she starts talking about all the stuff we’re going to do next, and I’m like, “What about my test results?” And she says, “Oh, we didn’t see anything, and you know, after all these negative tests and nothing showing up….Maybe you’re just imagining it.” I hung up. I’m imagining it? No, sweetheart, I’m not imagining a lump so large that I have purchased different pairs of pants to accommodate it. I’m not imagining something that multiple people have now questioned me about, and even one of the technicians stated, “Oh there’s definitely something there.” while conducting one of my tests. So, at that point, what do you do? Multiple doctors, multiple tests, many months of insane bills and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. To have someone accuse you of imagining it? Well, I’m not sure what you would do, but I stopped going to the doctor. Apparently, this is part of my life now. I just accepted my fate, and essentially laid down. I’m not paying any more doctors to deal with this. Well, a couple months later, I went in for my annual check-up, and my doctor at the time started discussing all this with me, and stated that because of all these issues and being unable to truly diagnose it – that I should be aware that I might have problems having children….
I don’t know about you, but I was never one who thought they would have children. I was more concerned with growing up and being super successful and having a penthouse apartment and being the CEO of a company – not getting a husband, and a child, and settling down. But, as soon as someone tells you, you can’t (or might not) have something, suddenly, that’s the only thing you want. And, after my parents tried for 17 years to have a baby before I came along, I was a little nervous about my family’s track record of being able to have babies. So, I went home, and told my boyfriend of 7 years at that point, that I wanted to have a baby. There was some discussion, and he conceded – we would start trying to have a baby. And, as I tell people whenever I tell this story, little did I think about that I was dating a man from one of the most fertile families I have ever met. We tried for a whopping 30 days, before I found out that I was pregnant.
So, I call the doctor for my first baby appointment. I walk into the office, I talk to the nurse, and then, the doctor comes in and starts getting my history. Have I ever had any problems with my reproductive organs? Well, for the past year, I have had this crazy lump that grows on my hip and then disappears after a week… I did several tests but no one could ever tell me what it was. She asked my 7 more questions about the lump, I answered yes to all of them, and she says,”Oh I bet I know what it was. Humans have mammary glands in all the same places dogs do. Every once in a while, when your hormones get out of whack, one of them will swell up like that, and disappear with your cycle. 95% of women get them in their armpit, but the other 5% show up in the other spots. I bet that’s all it was, and why it didn’t get diagnosed properly. It wouldn’t have shown up on any of those tests – you would’ve needed an MRI. And, now that you’re having a baby, I bet when you’re done, it’ll never happen again, because your baby will reset your hormones.”
$6000 and a year after my lump started, I walked into a doctor’s office that I only could’ve met if pregnant, and she tells me what my lump is – with 7 questions and no tests. And, it’s true, it has never returned. Like I said, a bizarre story of waiting, but so many interesting aspects, and so many good things came from it, of course, the most important, being my son. But, what a bizarre story?! Even as I’m writing it, it just blows my mind. This whole thing took place during a time when I was not close to God, but I did start going to church during this time. Starting opening the door to have God back in my life, but I think, that he was already there just waiting on the sidelines whether I realized it or not.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day and all the days. Thank you for your miraculous blessings. Thank you for being behind the scenes and in front of the scenes, and the omnipresent God that you are. Thank you for all that you have done for us. Thank you for everything that you do for us on a daily basis. Thank you for being there in the wait, and in the success, and in the failure. Thank you for all that you have done for us and all that you will do for us. Thank you for your amazing grace and mercy as we wander through these lives of ours. That you watch over us and guide us, sometimes without us knowing, or always being in the fold. That you always have good plans for us, to prosper us and not to harm us. That you help us maneuver through these lives of ours in, sometimes, only a way that you could. That you watch over us so much and love us so much. That you are the Great, Great Father who lifts us in our troubles and helps us celebrate our success. Thank You for being the AMAZING GOD that you are, and we are so blessed to have you in our lives. Thank You! IN JESUS’ NAME!! AMEN!!